Feeling all the feels today, friends.
You know days like that? I know I do…Days where I am so analytical that my brain hurts, emotional, introspective, and maybe a little moody.
This thought. I kept thinking it last night as I was falling asleep. Friendship is Messy.
I’m gonna be so honest, because I think it is so refreshing.
Friendships are something that I can live without.
No, I didn’t have a typo. I said that I CAN live without friendships.
It is possible. I would survive. I would still be able to eat, and breathe, and drink water. And, those are basically the only things necessary to sustain life.
But I don’t WANT to live without friendships.
You see. Without friendships, I don’t think life would be as rich. They are messy. They are hard. But they are good.
Friendships will give you :
Memories. Inside Jokes. Someone to road trip with. Someone to split dessert with. Someone to check in on you. Someone who cares about you. Someone who knows you. A shopping buddy. Or a hunting buddy. Or a concert buddy. A confidant. An encourager. A cheerleader. A coach. A shoulder to cry on.
But friendship will also give you:
Hurt feelings. Misunderstandings. Hard Converations. Brutal Honesty.
There is a messy side of friendship, that I think we all have experienced. We all have had our feelings hurt, and some of us might have allowed the messy side of friendship to taint our view on them as a whole. When we experience the pain, it is so easy to recoil backwards and isolate. I know this, because I do this. When someone hurts me, I feel like I want to put some distance there, in order to not be hurt again.
But when we decide that friendships are too hard, we throw all of the good things out with the bad. We end up living lonely lives. Maybe they are cleaner, maybe we have less hard conversations or hurt feelings, but we don’t get to experience the good stuff also.
People can live as islands. Like Tom Hanks in Castaway. They get weird, and sad, and lonely. But they STILL desire friendship. Just with things that can’t hurt them, like volleyballs.
A few weeks ago, I shared that a lot of our friends are going through hard things. And even though its a busy time of year for me, I’m doing my best to be there for them even when its inconvienient and I am tired.
Because I know there will be times that I need someone to be around when I am going through hard times, as well.
It is such a delicate balance. This friendship thing. It is equal parts letting things go, as it is being honest enough to say, “That hurt me”. And the balance is hard.
Hard conversations form deep relationships.
I know this, because I have learned it the hard way. It is uncomfortable. I know it is. It is not easy to tell someone they have hurt you, or that they have neglected you, or that they have done sometime to lose your trust. Those words are hard, but sometimes, if we don’t say them, we end up drifting more and more apart. You know? In the spirit of “letting things go”, the thing we let go of first can sometimes be each other.
We have to trust that even when friendships are hard, and messy, it is worth it. It is worth it to say the words, to sit in the awkward silence for a minute, and to begin to restore. To whisper or sometimes shout the words, “I’m Sorry” and to hear the words, “I Forgive You”.
I’m lucky enough to have some pretty wonderful friends. And, they aren’t always perfect, but neither am I. Sometimes I let the stress of life consume me and forget the people who have stood by as my cheerleader, my shoulder to cry on, and my road trip buddy. But, in the midst of it, I realize that allowing myself to run into the arms of my friends is one of the things that makes the stress dissipate.
This Tuesday, I’m so grateful.
For the people who have been there in the good, the bad, the hard, and the ugly.
Because they make my life so much richer.
It might be possible to live without friends, but I would never want to.
I love these crazies.