15 Years From Now : Thoughts on Marriage

It happened again. The question I get asked so very often.

“How do you like being married?”

I answered. Honestly. and her response was this.

“You look so happy now, but that’s because it’s still new. Come talk to me in 15 years, and you won’t be so happy.”

I’m going to say it. I’m going to be real honest. Let’s rip the bandaid. Let’s get it all out there.

I really love marriage.

Not because I am a newlywed.

Not because we haven’t gone through any “Hard Times”.

Not just because we don’t have kids yet.

Not because we don’t ever argue.

Not because I have a perfect husband.

Or because I am a perfect wife.

I love marriage because marriage pushes me to be a better version of myself.

Marriage pushes me to be more honest than I have ever been.

Marriage pushes me to be vulnerable.

Marriage pushes me to be patient. and kind. and generous. and forgiving.

Marriage means having a teammate.

And having a teammate means that there is someone there to walk through life with.

The good. The bad. The hard. The fun. The messy. The exciting. The adventures.

Marriage means that every day I get to make a million choices.

Choices to talk things out even when I’m tired. Or to show kindness when I am feeling grumpy. Choices to forgive even when I feel like shutting down. Or to be honest when I feel overwhelmed with life.

Marriage is a mirror. I will say it again and again. Nobody has even been as close to me as Kyle is. Day in and day out, he sees it all. Some people might be better at hiding their emotions, not this girl. I am an open book. And most of my emotions are written in bold letters, size 72 font.

When I say marriage is a mirror, here’s what I mean. Kyle is so close, that I see how my emotions and attitudes and words affect him. It is very obvious when I am being rude, or snappy, or cold. I see it in how he responds to me. But I also see when I am being kind, and loving, and patient. I see that it brings life to our marriage, and life to our relationship.

I struggle with insecurity. And the need to please people. And there is nothing that has made me feel as confident as having Kyle look at me, on my worst days, when I feel like I should wear a bag over my head and that I can’t do anything right…and he says to me, “I Love You. All of You. On your good days, and your bad days.” And yes, he ACTUALLY says that.

And THAT is a mirror I will gladly look into. Because he shows me that the parts of me that I so badly want to hide, and pretend don’t exist, that I am not loved in spite of them. But that I am loved because of them. That my weakness isn’t something that he puts up with. But that it is something he loves.

So, in 15 years, when I am 40 years old. And probably have some kids, and a lot more stories to tell, I hope that I am able to have the same answer. That I love marriage. Because the hard moments in life are going to happen wether I am single, or married, or dating, or engaged, or sitting on a desert island all alone.

So let’s quit blaming marriage for life being hard. Because I’m pretty sure that spending forever walking alongside my best friend is not the reason that I have bad days. Bad days happen because bad days happen. Period. And they will continue to happen. Regardless of what season of life I am in. Hard is hard.

And marriage can be freaking awesome.

Who’s with me?

Kels

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3 Replies to “15 Years From Now : Thoughts on Marriage”

  1. No one can say it better and more honestly and clearly than you Kelsey. Thank you for sharing. Ty and I have been married 21 and a half years and together many more years than that. When we were finally both ready to marry at the same time – and I told my Aunt Norma – she told me, I am so happy for you two and Gail, you and Ty will feel so much closer after you are married. I told her that I could not imagine feeling any closer to him than I did already after so many years sharing all of my life with him. Within a few weeks after our marriage, I told Aunt Norma that she was right – that we both did indeed feel closer since our marriage – she was so right. It is a wonderful feeling to be married to the love of my life and to face all of life together and to make our choices together on how to face the problems and challenges that naturally come with living on earth with other humans. Thank you Kelsey. You touch my heart.

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