One of my goals for this year was to be more consistent with blogging. There are multiple reasons why, but the main one is because there is something that happens in my heart when I take the time to write things down. For me, I am able to better process my thoughts when I take the time to organize them into paragraphs. It feels like I am putting some order to the ducks who are running around in my head. They don’t always end up in a row, sometimes just in a cluster.
I’ve been getting a lot of response about the things I’ve been posting about marriage and friendship. It’s been so encouraging. Because when I type these, usually laying on my bed under a sea of blankets, I don’t realize that other people might be feeling the same way too. Or that someone needs encouragement, and that my words can bring that.
So I’m trying, to learn how to write better. To learn how to communicate better.
I’ve been reading a book about writing. And so far, I’m devouring it.
The section I just read. It rocked me.
She talks about “inspiration” and how if we wait to write until we feel inspired, we will be waiting for a really long time.
Instead, she tells me…
SHOW UP. Sit down. Write.
Isn’t this so much like life?
That so many times, we wait. We sit waiting for something to change, for something big and exciting to happen. We wait to feel inspired. Or feel ready. Or feel…anything. When really, all we need to do is show up.
Relying on my feelings can be so tricky. Mostly because I don’t always FEEL like doing the things I need to do.
Sometimes, I don’t FEEL like being a selfless wife. Other times, I don’t feel like being social. Then, there are times when I don’t FEEL like doing the dishes. Or making the phone call. Or editing that wedding. Or…anything.
But I have to choose to show up.
Because then. Once I start. Once I make the choice. It gets easier.
I love to watch movies. But so many of them give false expectations. Of how love should be. Of how life should be.
They make it seem like we will always be able to see the whole picture before making the jump, taking the risk. That we will know who “The One” is by the first encounter in a coffee shop.
I’ve found that life isn’t always like that.
Looking back, I can see that there was never a big moment of inspiration for any of my dreams, and even for falling in love.
Instead, it was a lot of little moments. Moments of joy, moments of peace, even moments of downright anxiety.
Choosing to show up to your dreams can be scary. Following my dreams to unknown places was not always full of peace and confidence.
Will this work? Will I make it? Will they like me? What if? What if? How? Can I do this? Am I capable?
Doubt. Fear. They tell us that life can wait. The risk can wait. You can always show up tomorrow, when you feel ready.
News flash. Doubt and Fear are dirty liars. And they will tell you that one day, you will feel ready.
But you probably won’t.
But I can tell you. That once you show up, once you sit down, once you start, you’ll realize that the choice was the hardest part.
The first wedding I ever shot, I knew it was my dream to be a wedding photographer. But the night before, I did not sleep. Not one minute. Knots in my stomach meant that I felt constantly like I was going to lose my lunch. The whole wedding day.
Doubt and fear told me that I was going to fail. Drop my camera, forget the batteries, lose the photos. Fall into a deep hole. SOMETHING was going to go wrong. I had no peace, and I certainly didn’t feel inspired.
But I did it anyway. I showed up. With curled hair, my favorite boots, and hot coffee for the bridal party. I made it work. The photos turned out. The bride was happy, and I was happy.
If I chose to wait. To wait until I felt “Ready”, I probably would still be waiting. And I’m so glad that I didn’t listen, to the voices of doubt, fear, insecurity. Because finding out that I was capable, was the biggest reason to show up again and again.
Show up, the world is waiting.